To the Mother, Daughter, or Sister Struggling with Pornography.

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I recently had a friend come to me and ask if she could use my blog as a means to share her story, anonymously for now. Here is her powerful, heartfelt story and plea…

I was trying to come up with an appealing, cute name for this blog, but the truth is, there’s no appealing, cute way to say “women are struggling with pornography”.  There just isn’t.  So here’s the ugly, horrifying, heartbreaking truth: The number of women viewing pornography is growing in massive numbers and percentages.  For the purpose of this, my first blog, I want to relay two messages to any woman or girl who is or has been entrenched in the dark, shameful, frightening, lonely place of being addicted to pornography:

1.  YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE.  There are thousands of other mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, and girlfriends that are viewing and addicted to pornography.  There are thousands of other women who believe they are the only ones, and that there is no hope for recovery.  There are thousands of young girls who are terrified but yet strangely curious about images or videos they’ve accidentally or purposefully stumbled upon.  There are thousands of mothers who live with the daily guilt, shame, and hatred surrounding this hidden sin in their lives, paralyzed by fear that their children or husband will find out.  There are thousands of young women who feel there is no freedom possible and they will always have to view pornography.  So, I’m telling you- you are not the only one.  To further prove my point, consider this verse:

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man” (1 Corinthians 10:13a).

These very words are for YOU, sister.  There is nothing that you have been tempted by that is uncommon.  NOTHING.  Who am I, who are you, to believe anything we have been tempted with is uniquely greater than someone else?  No, in Scripture we are told that every temptation is common to man.  So you, my beautiful sister, are not alone.

What is also important to note is that 1 Corinthians 10:13 doesn’t end there.  Paul continues,

“And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Cor. 10:13b).

Therefore my second point;

2. THERE IS HOPE.  For 14 years of my life, most of it being key years when my body and brain were developing, I was addicted to masturbation and pornography.  And yet I stand here today, not even 30 years old, free from the bondage of having to view pornography and go to masturbation for fulfillment, satisfaction, and to appease my addiction.  I stand here today with battle scars, deep wounds, and intense sorrow over what the past has held in regard to things I’ve viewed and decisions I’ve made.  I know there are ways pornography has twisted my view of the God-given gift of sex within a covenant marriage between a man and a woman, and that devastates me.  

BUT- because of my faith in Christ, I have hope.  We have hope.  He has delivered me from this addiction.  He is renewing my mind daily and, all glory to God, after years of counseling, prayer, lost battles, victories, and heartache, I am finally, FINALLY free.  I am able to stand with my head held high, accept His forgiveness of all my sins (even the most shameful ones), and trust that He will lead me forward day by day, giving me the strength to fight this battle which very well may affect me until the day He takes me home.  

So, to you, whoever you are reading this, if you are stuck in the battle for freedom from an addiction to pornography, if you feel you have to masturbate in order to satisfy cravings, you are not alone.  Do not believe that lie.  Look at the statistics that say 1 in 3 visitors to a pornographic website is a woman.  I’m not calling for any action today, besides being willing to accept the truth that you are not alone and that there is hope through Christ.  Because the truth is Jesus came for people just like us!  He says “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Mark 2:17, NIV 1984).  

Believe His words and believe there can be a future for you that is free from the hold of pornography and masturbation; a future free from this shame and guilt that clouds your spirit and keeps you from reaching out for help.    

This is my first of several blogs I will write, regarding this topic and my own experiences in light of the Gospel of Christ Jesus and Scripture.  After years of silence, it has become clear to me that the Holy Spirit is leading me to share my story.  Even writing and sharing this first blog has brought about healing and hope for myself.  If God so desires to use my story to bring beauty out of the ashes of someone else’s life, what an honor that would be. I look forward to walking alongside you, speaking truth in love, planting seeds of hope, and praying toward healing for you (which I am doing along the way).  

I leave you with this:

“If you think you’ve blown God’s plan for your life, rest in this; you, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful” -Lisa Bever

Book Recommendations:

“Dangerous Honesty” by Karen Cooke

“No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction” by Marnie C. Ferree and Mark Laaser

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